i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
