it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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