im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we should paint friendship bongs
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