Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
