ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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