He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
