he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
