You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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