New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
