Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
