Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
