Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
