Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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