My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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