I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
