i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
