so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
