I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
