i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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