Already got asked if we're dating
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
