I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
