my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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