im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
