Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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