this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
