its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
