Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have post one night stand depression
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