i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
