Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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