I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
birth control should be required to get into college
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
