so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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