Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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