3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So drunk its hurt
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
