Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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