a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
