Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
