Pants 0. Shit 1.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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