he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
