just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
