Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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