i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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