I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
