How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
