Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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