will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
