doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
