I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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