I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
