you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
