It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
